Love IS everything it is cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it... It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.         --  Erica Jong

  

In the beginning when you fell in love it felt like magic.  Like spontaneous combustion – a magical flame!  Then gradually, so that we hardly noticed, the fire went out, the magic slipped away.  Often, pain came in its place.  So how do we get that magic back?

It will take some work, but if both people are willing to do the work, not only can the magic be restored, it can be kept alive.  Without care, the fire will go out.  It is a simple matter of learning how to tend the flame.

Most of us learned reading, writing, arithmetic (and various other useless skills) while in school, but few of us were ever taught how to be in a relationship. Typically, we learned how to do relationships either by modeling our parents (often a dysfunctional model), or by watching movies and television (a totally fictional model).  Then, we wondered why our relationships never turned out like the fantasy we saw on the screen.

By learning new behaviors and communication skills, by becoming more in touch with what your partner feels and needs, and through a process of differentiation I will invite you to rekindle that flame, tend that flame, and be confident that it will always bring your heart the warmth that is its magic power.

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